Wait ... where are the floats, the cheerleaders, the awkward slow-dancing? Oh, its not that kind of homecoming. No, it's a Silent Hill homecoming, which means it's really foggy, those "cheerleaders" are grotesque creatures, and the dance move of choice is called "running for your life."

Konami finally rolled out a playable build of the series' fifth installment at its press event last night, and we were on hand to, well ... get our hands on it. We're writing up our impressions, along with Double Helix design lead Jason Allen's musings on bringing the series to a new generation. For now, get tickled by the first screens (on your console of choice) -- and several new videos embedded after the break!

While we've known for some time that the "Gun Metal Gray" PlayStation 3 bundle -- featuring a shiny 40GB model, a matching DualShock 3 controller and a Limited Edition copy of geriatric sneakfest, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots -- would be available to Americans, we didn't know until now that it would only be available to Americans logging onto Konami's website. Online and inevitably scarce pre-orders for the $599.99 package will start on May 19th, so you'd better get clicking if you want Snake and Gray Box to face off in your living room.

No, we mean it. Judging by Konami's labyrinthine sign-up process for the Metal Gear Online Beta, you'll need at least several days to prepare a registration, obtain an ID, convert that into e-currency, trade it in for the microfilm, enter the password, steal the key code, write the secret URL on a postcard and summon Hideo Kojima in an arcane ritual.

Note: This bundle is different from the regular, $499 MGS4 bundle which includes an 80GB PS3 and a DualShock 3.

Bayonetta director Hideki Kamiya asks, "Have action games really progressed past what we accomplished seven years ago?" Speaking at last night's Platinum Games coming out party, Kamiya recalled his efforts to "kick start" the action genre into 3D with Devil May Cry back in 2001 and said, "we, as creators, have squandered an opportunity to make things better, smoother, more intense, more engaging" since then. Fear not, Kamiya has returned to "make good on [the] promise of seven years ago." Enter: Bayonetta -- "action to its climax."

Bayonetta is named for the game's main character, a witch reborn in the modern day to join a war against angels (apparently someone hasn't been spending her afterlife Up There). "Not only does she kick and punch, and have two guns in her hands, she actually equips guns on her feet." If that's not enough to mow down those beasts of heaven, then Bayonetta's also got her witchcraft, an arsenal of top-secret "abilities" ... And that's all we've got to go on, for now -- 'cept for the trailer after the break!

PlayStation 3 firmware update 2.35 is now available. According to the US PlayStation Blog, v2.35 is "a relatively minor update to improve stability of some PS3 titles." We're willing to wager a handful of stolen cars that "some PS3 titles" is a better way of saying Grand Theft Auto IV, whose compatibility with older PS3 models has become a topic of discussion and a sore spot for early adopters of Sony's console. An alleged Take-Two email yesterday hinted at a Sony firmware update.

Download now and let us know if the game's technical hiccups (for those that had them) have been eradicated.

Update: As noted in the comments of the blog by Sony's Al de Leon, this upgrade does not fix GTA IV. Said de Leon, "I just want to clarify that this upcoming firmware update isn't related to GTA IV. For those of you who may still have an issue playing the game on your PS3, we have identified a solution that should resolve the issue. You can contact SCEA Consumer Services for support."

Zero Punctuation takes on Grand Theft Auto IV this week, but if you're one of the five people who didn't buy the game and are hoping for some ZP hate-fest on par with the Super Smash Bros. Brawl review ... then you have another thing coming. Yahtzee doesn't exactly suck GTA IV's "thumb" -- like he does Valve's -- but the issues he grasps onto are relatively minor points about getting lost in the side stuff. Not really full of his trademark, hyperbolic bile then. Shockingly, he even says that after finishing the review, he went back and played the game some more. It appears Niko Bellic has found a friend in Yahtzee.

Find this week's NSFW relative non-hate review of GTA IV after the break.

Alright, that's it. Nobody is allowed to describe any aspect of their game as "bigger and better" anymore. Let's try and expand that promotional vocabulary, people. Let's go for, "Hey, my game is greater and grander!" Or perhaps, "My game's online mode is sicker and more substantial!"

That's roughly what Epic designer, CliffyB, had to say about Gears of War 2's cooperative mode when Shacknews asked about four-player action. "We're not announcing anything about co-op at this time, we'll probably get around to it around E3 time, but rest assured, it will be bigger and better," he teased.

On a related note, Bleszinski did tell us that the saw-tastic sequel's multiplayer mode would at least benefit from a party system this time around. "I think that if we were not to have a feature like that, it would probably be a pretty big f*ckup." As for missing out on four-player Locust culling? That would be a bigger and better f*ckup, surely.

You know, it's a funny thing about adjectives in the video game industry. Final Fantasy is never actually final, the company that made Cabela's 4x4 Off-Road Adventure III was called Fun Labs and with its one appearance on GameCube, Eternal Darkness seemed to be anything but. Silicon Knights boss Denis Dyack provided some hope however yesterday, while speaking at Microsoft's Spring Showcase.

TVG reports that Dyack said "We don't want to be pigeon-holed [into a genre], we want to be known for strong content...There's a strong chance we'll return to it, but there's no announcements yet." It's not much, but if you've played the game we know that's enough for your day to be officially made. If you haven't -- what are you waiting for?

German developer Replay Studios and indie publisher Gamecock dropped a friendly reminder that both studios plan to drape us in tufted fabric and slit our throats this fall, when Velvet Assassin ships for both the Xbox 360 and PC. As a stealth-action game, the title will drop players into the boots of real-life World War II allied secret agent Violette Szab as she goes toe to toe with the German war machine.

Beyond the biographical backdrop and historically-inspired setting, there isn't much known about the game. However, the publisher notes that Velvet Assassin will include "lush, surreal visuals" and "a ground-breaking stealth combat system," both interesting qualities ... though we hope the devs know how difficult blood is to get out of velvet without sending it to dry cleaning.

We talked before about the late-night media frenzy surrounding Grand Theft Auto IV's release, since it was kind of hard to miss GTA if you watch TV between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. It gave us no small satisfaction to see the game pop up on one of the late-night comedy stalwarts as Niko and Vlad (played by Bill Hader and Fred Armisen) appeared on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update. You can see the clip from last Saturday above.

Now, is it ... funny, per se? Well, our ribs have been more fiercely tickled, that's for sure. But they're trying. Isn't that the important thing?

Sometimes April Fools' jokes become a reality. Hideo Kojima revealed today that Altair's costume, from Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed, will be unlockable in Konami's Metal Gear Solid 4. Kojima said that players will have to do something special to obtain the outfit, but no specifics were given.

We now can't help but imagine all the other costumes Snake could dress up in. Perhaps a collaboration with Nintendo for a Mario or Kirby costume (only fair considering Kirby has a Snake outfit)? Konami could always just sell more costumes as DLC, sort of like the Ninja Gaiden fashion line.

With early buzz for the new Indiana Jones movie being wishy-washy, fans may need to find solace in playing the Lego Indiana Jones game on June 3rd. The PC demo is now available for download and should also be packaged with the Indiana Jones DVDs coming out today.

No word yet on console demos for Xbox 360 or PS3, but we've got some calls out for info. We can't imagine there'd only be a demo for PC. Clearly, somebody from marketing would've "chosen poorly" if that were the case.

Marking the return of one of gaming's most agile assassins, Ninja Gaiden II seems poised to satisfy our increasingly alarming desire for a good, old-fashioned lopping of limbs. It's true that series protagonist and demon antagonist, Ryu Hayabusa, isn't the most subtle of ninjas -- his technique is about as stealthy as a piano rolling down a flight of stairs -- but he gets the job done.

On a related note, Microsoft has announced that the game will be receiving its first batch of gamerpics (100 MS points per pack) and themes (150 MS points per pack) today. Perhaps we'll be able to collect all the severed in-game arms and legs and use them as payment?

Ninja Gaiden II is out in the US on June 3rd.

You got a taste of Too Human this morning with those leaked screenshots, but now we've got the mother lode of media straight from Microsoft's Gamer's Day. There are a few screenshots below and we've got the above video showing off co-op action in the game.

Now that we have an official date and so much more information, we're finding it progressively harder to contain our Too Human excitement. What about you?

It looks like help may be on the way for those of you who are still experiencing some freezing problems with Grand Theft Auto IV on PS3. One user on the official PlayStation forums said he received an email from Take-Two stating the issue was "with the launch edition of the PS3 and this game" and that "the game was checked over and passed as 100% compatible with the current version of the PS3."

As for the fix, the alleged Take-Two staffer reportedly wrote that "Sony are aware of this difference and are looking into producing a new firmware just for the earlier version of the PS3." Wow, a whole new firmware update? For one game? We hope the swelled head doesn't affect Niko's balance when he's bludgeoning and murdering hookers.

The end of a decade long journey will finally come on August 19 this year as Too Human finally hits store shelves. Well, we mean, probably. It seems pretty concrete, but we're not ruling anything out with Too Human. We won't believe it's actually been released until we're a good two or three hours into playing the final disc.